hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
