It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
