I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
