Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
