I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
