my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
