Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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