so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
