Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize