But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
