I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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