think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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