Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
