You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
