Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize