oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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