her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
