Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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