hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it hurts more in the daytime
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize