Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
