If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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