I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
