I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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