I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
