I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
