my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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