every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
