I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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