You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
