Already got asked if we're dating
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize