My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
