there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
