That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
