I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
