When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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