i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
