...so i touched it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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