That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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