We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
