what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
