Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
