Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
