I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
