ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
