sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
