I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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