you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There r osticjed everywhere
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
