I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
