nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
