somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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