A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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