All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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