and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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