My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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