Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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