Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Randomize
