so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
