I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
