I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize