He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
