last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
