waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have tasted many bathrooms
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
