I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
