Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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