i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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