Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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