I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
