Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
