I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize