have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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