Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
