Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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