the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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