You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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