I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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