oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
