you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
