Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
