The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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