I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
