Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize