remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
