i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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