Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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