the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
