She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just high enough for therapy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
