fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
