as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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