just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
