No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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