dude i'm inner monologue high
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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