There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
